"Us" and "Them"

I've noticed that one of the favorite topics of conversation among foreigners here is "what we don't like about Korea and Koreans." This troubles me, though I understand why it happens and I do it too.

For one thing, we just need to vent to people who'll understand the common frustrations and challenges of living here as a foreigner/outsider. I was reading a book about Korea recently and the author (a European who's been here for many years) said that part of what's hard about culture shock isn't that things are done differently, but that we don't know what to expect or why things are done the way they are. It can feel like being off-balance and needing to be vigilant all the time.

My friend Reid says that for him hardest part is the Korean attitude that can be summed up as "If I don't know you, you don't exist." That sounds stark and like an over generalization, I know. But I've heard Koreans describe the same phenomenon. I think it has to do with the importance of group identity and belonging, which I think comes from Confucian culture.

The way this plays out is that in public people will act as if those around them, especially foreigners (or so it feels, though I can't prove this), simply aren't there. A few examples-- pushing and shoving, cutting in line, very aggressive driving. These sound minor, I know, especially for someone accustomed to living in NYC, with its reputation for rudeness. I wasn't surprised, though, when my Korean friend/student commented after his first few weeks in NY (he and his family were there for the past six months) that NYers drive slowly!

In the States, though, people usually at least make some minimum acknowledgment of things like stepping on someone else's toes or accidentally elbowing them on the subway. They say "excuse me" more often than not. Here, that would almost never happen. It's not considered necessary if the other person is a stranger because there's nothing to be excused for.

I don't mean to sound like I'm "Korea bashing" and I do like a lot of Korean people and things.

I am, however, tired of this particular aspect of the culture. It was the same on the ski slopes. People would simply ignore those around them. One young woman on a snowboard crashed right into me and knocked me on my butt as we were getting into a lift line, without even acknowledging my presence. If I spoke her language, I'd have given her a piece of my mind.